[Grace]

I always felt better about myself, better about my world, right after  a hair cut.


Its psycological I'm sure.



grace-redux.livejournal.com


It's my e-haircut so to speak. Unfriend this one, and if you care, friend the new one. I will update much more than I am now, way way way more. Mostly for my sanity.

I dont even know why I bother.





I'm not a princess.
This is not a fairy tale.

I've found a new one. I think I like this one. Maybe more than I should.

Cant really type right now, as we're getting ready to go do some shopping, but once I get a moment to my self, I think I shall tell it how it is.

Other than just personal hygiene of course. I think that, the day this all gets better, I'll be better and bolder than what I used to be. Being twenty-three is a scary thing. Why don't I feel it? What do people my age do? I should find a way to do those things, to feel my age.

The more I sign onto this site, the better it makes me feel. Maybe one of these days I'll feel better enough to go back outside. Knowing my luck, it'll rain on that day.

I hope 2009 has been a good year so far for everyone. I can't really say it has been for me. Honestly, it just feels like one really long week.

Reading over what I just typed, I sound insane. I hope I havent lost it.

You know how sometimes, you wake up with a song in your head. And nine times out of ten its cause you heard it the day before, and didnt notice it, and then the next day is on repeat in the back of your mind. That happens to me more than I would like.


I'm not crazy I'm just a little unwell
I know, right now you can't tell.

My stomach is in knots. This site alone brings back so many memories. I've been so lost. Considering I've been in the same four walls this whole time. I feel like there isn't much of me left. Of my soul, my personality, my... youth.


I try to think back, at everything that's happened in the past year. I've let so many people down. By doing nothing, by being unresponsive.

I want my life back.



How do you make something, out of nothing. Out of no one?


This is rock bottom my friends.


I dont recognize myself in the mirror anymore. I wonder if I'm even the same person. The only thing I really feel is my fan against my face.


Who knew that your death would kill two people.

I think I've reached the point in my life where it doesnt really matter anymore. 

He's in the shower and I dont know whats going to happen when I go home tomorrow. 

Do I want to stay becuase I care for him, or because I'm terrified of what I left behind.



Atleast his parents are nice. 

On my way to Huston, to get away.

Maybe start a new life.

One Song
Glory
One Song
Before I Go
Glory
One Song To Leave Behind

Find One Song
One Last Refrain
Glory
From The Pretty Boy Front Man
Who Wasted Opportunity

One Song
He Had The World At His Feet
Glory
In The Eyes Of A Young Girl
A Young Girl
Find Glory
Beyond The Cheap Colored Lights

One Song
Before The Sun Sets
Glory - On Another Empty Life
Time Flies - Time Dies
Glory - One Blaze Of Glory
One Blaze Of Glory - Glory

Find
Glory
in a song that rings true
truth like a blazing fire
an eternal flame

Find
One Song
A Song About Love
Glory
From The Soul Of A Young Man
A Young Man

Find
The One Song
Before The Virus Takes Hold
Glory
Like A Sunset
One Song
To Redeem This Empty Life

Time Flies
And Then - No Need To Endure Anymore
Time Dies



R.I.P. Maria Elisa Hernandez.

You were a great mom. I loved you more than I let on.

I got my hurr cut today :)

Purrrty

Shes my new favorite.

Another day, another dollar. Nothing really special about the red heart day.


There is nothing to explain. I'm not mad at you, I should have known really. To be honest, I wouldnt have settled for me either. I know I have a great personality when I'm done being shy, I know I'm an awesome kisser when my self consciousness has subsided. But people still have to look at me every day. I cant wish the world blind.


I dont need a pity party.


I truly feel like you miss me because you miss not being alone. If I'm wrong then I'm sorry, its just how I am. Call me cynical. Another go is just not in me, even if I knew everything was going to be perfect.

I feel like I belong here.

I just cant seem the to find the energy to do anything about it..






Maybe I just haven't found the person to inspire me.

I have a new vice. And he is delicious :D



Sometimes we need to crash in order to get our second wind.

This post is not meant in a bad way, just finally found a song that makes me feel better


I always loved Mariah Carey.

James is coming to visit me on Thursday/Friday. (He's not white! /gasp)  I got the day off, which is nice, we're going to be able to spend a whole two days together before he has to fly back out to Cali. I'm hella nervous. He's a nice guy,  and I'm not going to lie, I like him. I'm just going to have to take deep breaths and not let it get to me. Well, not let me get to me. Go-go insecurities. I was never good with the dating scene to begin with. If I can get past the weekend without wanting to throw up, I'm golden.

I must say that in the past few weeks my self esteem has gotten better. Im not so quick to bring myself down after I get a compliment. I have learned to accept them, and dwell with them for a little bit. Then again getting a year older is frightening. I didnt expect I would be where I am now. But it could be worse.

If things end up working out with James and me, I might see if Aidan still thinks about moving over to California with his mom. That would be awesome. I need a change of scenery anyway. Florida sucks balls.

Its nice to have friends again.

And in a strange turn or events, Nick isnt that evil guy I always thought him to be. And working with him is great. Kinda weird at first, but I broke out of my shell, and actually tried to be social. I know, me, talking to people that I dont really know. Strange things are happening in 2008, I can feel it.

And if things dont work out with James, who gives a shit. I know I've learned that every guy I date is not going to be that last guy. And in that I dont need someone to just be happy. Too bad I had to go through a ton of drama to realize that. Men are good for getting laid and not looking awkward at the theater. Other than that, they're more of an accessory than a necessity.

I love myself. Amen, time to nerd it up on WoW.

( Ghost of a Good Thing Lyrics. )

I didnt mean my secret. Im sorry, Im just so drained.

So does this mean that all love that comes my way would be just as fake as the kisses you gave me.
My poor heart so fragile coming in, now so broken.


Thank you for the good times. But I fucking hate you. I cant believe I was so fucking naive. So fucking in love.

Youre a fucking prick.


I knew you didnt love me, but you kept telling me, so I had no room not to believe.


So naive.

I just wanted to see when you wanted to hang out. But forget that. I dont think I would be able to keep myself from hurting you physically.

You have no idea how much I hate liars. Why did you lie to me?


Im SOOOOO SORRRY I put you on a pedistal. Im so sorry I gave you all my heart could. sgfbn wrg;K WLHKBERSSBZ


So angry.


Now I know all love is fake. And not for me.


Thanks for the sex.

The curtains finally lowered
The music starts to fade away
But I still have that beat in my sole
My love
And the sway of the jazz they played.

Do you remember that song
My dear
Let's make that one ours
Since now that we part
Sweet love
All we'll have is that guitar